The Do's and Don'ts on the internet

Internet is not something you are unaware of, given that you are reading this post in the first place. With the internet community growing at a faster rate than ever before, it becomes important for every internet user to learn how to save his/her ass from getting whipped in public on internet.

I am quite sure most of you would have fantasized about becoming popular on internet, being the cool guy and everything. The trick is simple. You ought to follow some simple rules to be the internet dude.
  • Worship Eminem:
An internet dude likes Eminem and has learned every popular rap song of Eminem by rote. Ask him about the greatest rap artist of all time and he would say Eminem. Wake him up while he is sleeping and ask him to sing rap god. He will do that and follow it with a middle finger salute to you. 

  • Hate Justin Bieber and One direction:



 Never ever tell anyone that you have liked Justin Bieber or One direction at any point of your life. An internet stud believes that Bieber and 1-D don't deserve to be on this planet. They are "faggots" and are worthless. If someone posts something positive about these artists, an internet dude puts his war cape on, turns on his CAPS, exercises his fingers a bit and goes into FIGHT LIKE A SPARTAN mode.

  • Feminism:
If you want to walk out as the winner in a debate about any random stuff which has a remote connection to women, all you need to do is to yell that you are a feminist. The other person would automatically be labelled as a sexist. Now, brush you collars, dust your fingers and continue with the slut porn you were watching.

  • Football Pundit:
This is an important key to becoming cool on internet. Make sure you have a favourite player at every position, favourite team in every important tournament and don't forget to support it by changing your Facebook profile picture regularly. If possible, take a little time out, go to Google, and keep updating everyone about the state of matches over Facebook.

  • Bashing Bollywood movies:
This is the simplest of all. Go out there on internet, tell everyone how much you hate Bollywood, that they copy everything from Hollywood. Make sure you emphasize upon the lack of script in Bollywood movies. Once you are done with this, you can continue booking the tickets of Dabangg on bookmyshow.

  • Displaying patriotism at every national holiday
An internet dude posts patriotic messages on Facebook at independence day, republic day and Gandhi Jayanti. He changes his Facebook profile picture to tricolour  with a caption like "I love my country #hashtag". 

These are just some of the many tricks to become the INTERNET STUD. There might be more depending upon your demography, but these suffice for most of the people out there.For now, cheers mates! *cling*


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting Things Done: A Beginner's Guide

Buddha said the world is full of suffering, and I have scrolled enough social media to realize that is indeed the case. Heck, it feels like doomsday is around the corner. There is just misery all around. Everyone has got something which needs to be done!   There are problems spanning decades and unresolved issues plaguing generations, and this is without counting the Indian men's cricket team's propensity to lose in knockout matches. Therefore, to no one's surprise, the modern world is looking for problem solvers, people who can deconstruct these multi-layered, nuanced points of contention and arrive at an acceptable solution.   With 29 years of experience at being alive, a few months at an MNC and now 2 odd months in government, I have some ideas that should help a newcomer become the go-to man for any crisis. Like any other success guru, these are not at all well-researched and are purely anecdotal in nature.    Let's start with the primary answer to problems - mon...
Read more

Paperwork

Some 13 billion years ago, the Big Bang occurred, and the universe started taking its present shape. Brilliant minds of ours and earlier generations have spent a considerable amount of cognitive resources to unravel this mystery. Notwithstanding the appreciable progress made in our understanding, it has been suggested by many a bureaucrat that this wastage of human capacity could have been avoided if someone had neatly prepared an office note on the big bang then. The process of documentation and record-keeping is essential in government, as in any other form of organization that grows beyond the individual. Documenting known facts of any issue, discovering more through inquiry or academic research, and then forming a well-justified conclusion forms the core of any decision that is taken. This entire exercise is colloquially known as the "paperwork". Since the stakeholders aren't just the people making the decisions, it is important that paperwork is done with due diligen...
Read more

The Passengers

There are way too many of us humans around. It is only natural that too many of us meet the remaining of us, creating an inter web of connections, and friendships.  Think about it. When you were a kid, you had friends in your neighborhood, class, and maybe cousins you lived nearby. Then you met new people in College, while working at various places and so on. Some of your friends introduced you to their friends and then you knew more. If the sheer number of people you met and made friends with at various stages of your life were to be added, you could have at least won your colony's elections.  But, are you in touch with all of them now? Do you even have any memory with most of them? Or they have just become names, which ring a bell but you don't really know why!  The truth is, we all move on, consciously or unconsciously. The kid who sat next to you in that class, the best friend you played with every evening, or even the neighbor you shared your rooftop with, all fade i...
Read more