Recruiting for a Mob

Once upon a time, in the land that gave zero, I met a person who had infinite worries. Before the narrative begins, let me introduce myself. I work as a recruiter at Mob. My job is to find people who are passionate about taking the law into their hands and take the society back to the stone age.

I recently met an exceptional applicant during the recruitment process. He was a brilliant guy - he was worried about the cultural degradation, open celebration of love, and even better, people not agreeing with his views. As we don't care about privacy, here are excerpts from his interview which I believe I have the right to post.

"So tell us something about yourself."

- "My name is Chintan. I am 27 years old and I graduated from prison last year. Since then, I have been looking for an opening which goes along with my passion. Apart from this, I love forming half cooked opinions and imposing them."


"That's impressive. Why were you in prison by the way?"

- "The story is quite interesting. I actually wear it as a token of pride. A book was coming out which was questioning the customs of our society. I heard the ideas in it were very violent. I also received a forwarded message on WhatsApp confirming the same. That was the trigger. I discussed it with some friends of mine and boom, our plan for the weekend was ready. We protested, burnt few things, beat up a few people, pelted stone on the house of the author and may be scarred few children for life. I was arrested and was jailed for 2 months with a fine of Rs. 500."


"Haha! So you benefited from the government's scheme of disproportionate punishment for crimes. We like such intelligent people. Anyway, what else will you bring to our team? We already have some specialists in our mob. So why should we hire you?"

- "Sir, I have over 300 Twitter accounts, 100 Facebook IDs, some 300 screenshots of fake news and an archive of over 1000 WhatsApp forwards, categorized as per the occasion - Say NASA's photo of India on Diwali or beef found in some fridge. Besides, I have also done a diploma in inciting violence. If you hire me, you don't just get a mobster, you get the complete package. "


"Ok! Let's say we hire you, what are the problems you would like to work on?"

- "I believe there is a lot of scope in the area of open celebration of love. Our competitors target just 14th of February. The entire calendar is open otherwise. I would love to cover the full year. Also, the vertical of cultural degradation is well-developed. This is something I believe should be worked upon constantly as it generates regular revenues. Also, there has been a boom recently in not letting different opinions survive. This will continue to rise in the near future. So these three would be my picks."

"Bloody impressive! You are hired!"

He was indeed a special talent - is on a rampage these days. Sigh!

P.S. This piece of work is fictitious which doesn't resemble any person or place, living or dead. In case, this outrages you, calm down and have a glass of water may be.