Serendipity

"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board." With this, Zora Neale Hurston begins her seminal book 'Their Eyes Were Watching God.' As one pursues a career wished for by many, Zora hits right in the feels. The ship of civil services has a charm, but it isn't without its demands of sacrifices.

District Training forms an essential part of the IAS Professional Course. The objective is to help new inductees learn by seeing and doing before they are given independent responsibilities. Probationers are sent to a district in their cadres, where they get to see and become a part of the district administration. Basically, Robin to the Batman.

I am doing my district training at Kakinada, Andhra Pradesh. This is my first experience working in the government. The hierarchy of the government and the nitty-gritty of protocol appeared to be daunting initially. To sir or not to sir was the question that bugged me. Having successfully mastered the art, I have better troubles now. 

The references to earlier communications on an issue under consideration, relevant GOs, and contextual sections of an act enacted in 1908 are cited with the ease of tweeting out life advice on Twitter by some 20-year-old college student taking pocket money from parents. I navigate through the enormous institutional memory of the government much like a deer caught in the headlights.

However, even as a government officer, there is more to life than proceedings printed in legal size papers.

Kakinada is a beautiful city with lots to explore, including the language and culture. Telugu is a lovely language, but it becomes difficult to be 'Atma-nirbhar' in Andhra Pradesh if you don't know it. I am still a beginner and need help understanding the language. My ability to interact with the caretaker of the guest house I am staying in or the shopkeepers I want to purchase my groceries from is as good as KL Rahul in T20 World Cups – entirely out of sorts.

Even as I try to frame sentences with the limited vocabulary I have gathered thus far, it feels like an already slow Bhansali movie running at 0.5x. I can only marvel at the patience those listening to me must have.

The second inherent thing that comes to an individual after language is food. I have always taken immense pride in my not being a foodie. This trait has always worked in my favor because of the routinely lousy food I have been eating since I left home for the supposed greener pastures. However, of late, I have realized the importance of food.

At the outset, I admit - no cuisine is objectively good or bad. People develop different tastes as they grow up. But you feel out of place if you don't get the food you are used to, like Saudi Arabia in UN Human Rights Council, FIFA World Cup in Qatar, and reasonable mess bills at LBSNAA.

Recently, when I could get anything cooked, I asked for 'lauki' of all vegetables. This is what unfamiliar food does to you! I grew fond of the very thing I swore to destroy back in the day.

Coming back to the present, I live in a guest house. The only other soul in the building is the caretaker. I know Hindi and English, and he knows Telugu. If we were married, it would be a peaceful one, but that's obviously not the case. In fact, the silence of the guesthouse is too loud at times.

There are days you come back to your room, but there is no one to talk to, no shoulder to put your hand over, and nobody to hug. The home feels far away. The logic of being a flight out or a call apart doesn't really help when loneliness creeps in. These days are particularly hard, enough for the half-baked philosopher in you to draw inferences with the confidence of Salman Khan and the skills of, well, Salman Khan.

Dumbledore claimed that help would always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it. Here in the government service, I have been fortunate to receive all the help I have asked for. The kindness of the staff, outreach by the seniors, and the helping nature of the people ease the nerves. The calls from your loved ones bring you back.

The training ensures we develop an eye for small details, and people have been kind enough to exchange pleasantries in broken Hindi or English and bear whatever I speak in the name of Telugu. The institution welcomes my quirks, way of functioning, and learning methods. And I have been able to take baby steps towards carving a space for myself in the hopes of being the captain of my ship!