Comfortably Numb

I have heard it a lot. It's all over movies, books, podcasts and WhatsApp forwards. Life ought to be enjoyed. Wake up, seize the day, Watch the sunset, go hiking! It all feels inspiring and transcendental. Anything out of the routine must be good, I suppose. 

But I must admit, I just don't get it. It doesn't do the trick, or I may not be cut out for it.

I have gone out with friends to watch the sun rise or set innumerable times. There are always murmurs of the extraordinary beauty of the phenomenon. If some lake or sea is on the horizon, the excitement levels are off the charts. And there, I feel like a UPSC topper being asked about tips and tricks to clear the exam. I can act like I know what's happening, but that's a facade we all like to collectively believe in.

It might feel that I have an agenda against the sun, but my numbness isn't limited to the sun. I am trying to figure out why I should be amazed by the clouds. The planes have taken me over them, literally. I have also witnessed clouds hovering over the Doon Valley from Mussoorie. But my eyes betray me. The apparently beautiful sight reminds me of the Delhi smog, even when it doesn't feel like it. I am more concerned that I am polluting what will be rain for someone tomorrow. That's life, I guess.

While at the hills, eating Maggie and Momos is another must-do activity, but they taste worse to me. Could it be because the water boils earlier at elevations and the veggies aren't cooked enough? But that's just me thinking out loud here. I always pretend to enjoy the watery Maggie and raw momos with "Maza aa gaya bhai". I don't want to be a social outcast. 

I also went on a trek, and it all felt underwhelming upon reaching the top. I was sweaty and under a thick jacket. The sunlight was piercing. My fingers were greasy because of all the chips I had stuffed myself with in my quest for a healthy excursion. The absurdity of it all wasn't lost on me. Over and above, I had to react, had to show excitement. Turns out, I was as convincing as a vegetarian at a barbecue.

I have also been on safaris but didn't know what to feel once I spotted the tiger. There it was, the majestic beast, looking at us sharply. The guide was ecstatic. I was one of the few lucky ones who witnessed the glory of the big cat. I was again under immense pressure to react with awe. Much like BCCI organizing a tournament, I was totally clueless and out of place.

I am not sure what to do with this realization. It's not like I can change it. However, I have enrolled in acting classes to react in a manner deemed more appropriate. Navjot Sidhus and Archana Pooran Singhs of the world are going to get a competition they hardly imagined. 

In the long term, I am biding my time. Once a critical mass makes these activities routine, the cycle of civilization shall turn. The in-trend would be to just sit in your home, have coffee, read or watch something, use the comforts of the home and fulfil its purpose. Until then, "Maza aa gaya bhai"!